The Rules of the Game (part 2)

This type of tomfoolery is probably not allowed at Coachella

This type of tomfoolery is not permitted at Coachella

21 days to go until Coachella, so let’s take a look at the rules.

NO Instruments

(especially drums!!!)

This is strange, and something I’m not familiar with. At what point did bringing drums to a concert ever become an option?  Only Hari Krishna’s would travel with drums.  I don’t recall ever attending a concert and seeing people carting in drums.  I’m wondering if this is somehow tangentially related to the Matthew McConaughey naked bongo playing incident of 1999.

NO Knives / Weapons Etc.

I’m guessing this is to stave off Indie v Alt turf wars.

NO Chains / Chain Wallets

Are the concert promoters familiar with the general fan base?  This is not a Judas Priest marathon.

NO Blankets

Clearly, they are against any form of sitting during the concert, although this is probably in response to stampede issues.  Although what moron sits on a blanket while everyone else is standing, and frankly they should insist people bring blankets.  Everyone sits, no one gets hurt – there’s a reason why Kindergarten teachers do this.   Actually, now that I consider it, the no blanket rule may  function to prevent fornication during concerts.  I guess Tubbs and I won’t be recreating the birth of the Beer Goddess during the Gil-Scott Heron concert (which is really a drag).

NO Outside Food & Bev

I will not be obeying this one.  I’m telling you right now, I have a sensitive stomach and cannot exist on crappy food.  There will be a cooler and it will contain food.  Deal with it.  Although it does say there will be a great deal of food vendors including Vegan and Vegetarian, which reminds me that Tubbs and I are considering a 5 day vegan/raw cleanse.  What if we were to combine the Vegan Cleanse with Coachella.  Could be brilliant, could be terrifying.  Either way, would kill two birds with one stone.

NO Camelpacks

I don’t even know what this is, but it smacks of Alt fashion.  Is this the modern version of a NAOT sandal?

NO Tents

I’m guessing this is only in reference to the concert area, because we are in the camping area, and clearly they can have tents there – yet again, I’m wondering who in their right mind is going to try to set up a tent in a crowded concert stage area.  Have people really become that entilted?  Or maybe it’s just stupidity – or a dangerous combination of the two…

NO Flags

This is a real bummer as I was hoping to drape myself in the flag for the weekend.  Honestly, who travels with flags?  Or, am I missing something and this extends into the Indie/Alt Turf War territory previously mentioned in the ‘no knives/weapons’ rule.

NO Refunds Or Exchanges or Cancellations

Not really a rule, more of a policy if you ask me, and what type of exchange could one get anyway? Also, cancellation seems like a large word.  You cancel a reservation at a restaurant, you don’t ‘cancel’ your ticket to a show.  Is this part of the stupidity/entitled trend?

NO Chairs

This is annoying, but I’m wonding if I can bring a chaise lounge.  It’s not really a chair in the traditional sense and I could pretend to be stupid and entitled when I stand at the line with it.  Also, I’m wondering, if I bring a chaise lounge, and they don’t let me bring it in, will NO CHAISE LOUNGES appear in the rules next year.  If so, I may have to bring a Chaise Lounge.  Years from now, when my kids go to Coachaella, and question the ‘no chaise lounge‘ rule, I can proudly say, ‘That was all me.”

NO Video Cameras

Good luck with that.  Even my phone has a video camera.

NO Audio Recording Devices

A no brainer, and again, we’ve all recorded a concert at some point, and guaranteed there will be recording devices.  Anyway I thought the people who through this thing are all about, “no copyrights man, music is for everyone…” blablabla…

NO Bota Bags

No clue what this is.  Not even going to Google it to find out. I’m going to refrain from the Google and see if I can stumble across a ‘Bota Bag’ at the concert.  It’ll be like a secret treasure hunt for me.

NO Professional Cameras

What exactly constitutes a professional camera? Is my Nikon a professional camera? Or do they mean a camera with a tripod and a massively long lense?

NO Stuffed Animals

Um… is this a fetish thing? Like those people who dress up in Stuffed animal costumes.  Plushies?  I think that’s what they’re called.  Can I bring an Ugly Doll? My daughter enjoys having me take her Ugly Doll when I travel, then I take photos of it in various places.  It’s our version of the travelling garden gnome.

NO Pets

Bummer.  The girls would love to run amok.  Still, I’m sure someone’s going to bring a lizard.  People love to travel with iguanas.  I’m putting it out there right now that I bet I will see a lizard of some variety.  Add that to the treasure hunt.

NO Drugs & Drug Paraphernalia

Who are they kidding? This is like telling the Oracle of Delphi she couldn’t bring dildos to the Dionysus Winter Fest.



3 responses to “The Rules of the Game (part 2)

  1. Kristen Buckley

    Thanks for your kind words… I only now just realized that all my comments were going to spam for some reason – so sorry for the tardy reply!

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