The Smiths and How I Reject Their Bullsh*t or: Why I’m Not Going to Hear the Cribs at Coachella

52 days and counting…

Last night my boyfriend took umbrage at my remarks regarding The Cribs.  Apparently, they are ‘brilliant’ and I am simpy misinformed. I believe his exact words were, ‘You will like the Cribs, and you will be seeing the Cribs.”

However, I am not that easily swayed, and have decided to mount an argument in my defense.

I’ll start briefly with the Smiths.  Back in high school, I found them to be annoying.  I didn’t buy their dreary blend of cynicism wrapped up in a cute pop beat bow.  They were like the Jam with pretentious lyrics. In terms of innovation, Elvis Costello was doing a lot more heavy lifting; In terms of excitement, The Specials blew them away in concert.

Like most bands, they broke up over squabbles involving money, and creative differences (namely those of Morrisey and Johnny Marr – the lead guitarist).  Though I suspect Morrissey had to have been a giant pain in the ass.  Anyone who makes a vocal point of abstaining from sex, drugs, alcohol and meat, has to be annoying to be around.  Imagine going on the road with him?  It’s a wonder they lasted for as long as they did.

So, The Smiths break up,  Morrissey goes it alone, campaigning for vegetarianism while his loyal fans dress up like him at his concerts.  It’s all  too wierd for me.  In the meantime, Johnny Marr, wanders around like the Willy Loman of guitarists, playing with The Pretenders (after Honeyman-Scott died), Pet Shop Boys, Talking Heads and Modest Mouse.   All the while people are going on about how influential he is but compared to whom? Honestly he’s no Hendrix, he’s not even a Jeff Beck or a Robert Fripp (Neil, and Jack and Me is a huge fave).

Ok.  Let’s return to the Cribs, an English band comprised of three brothers who began playing together when they were just tots.  They’re like a slightly hipper version of the Hanson Brothers.  They make two albums, both to mixed review, and it’s no wonder why.  They’re uninspiring.  Sure, their live shows might be ‘energetic’ but at the end of the day they lack identity.   One minute they sound like the Strokes, the next they sound like XTC.   Now Johnny Marr has joined them, and they sound like… hmm… Can you guess? The Smiths!

And I hated them back in 1886 so… We’ve come full circle.

Verdict: Cribs remain off my list.

Note to Tubbs: I’m not budging on this one!



2 responses to “The Smiths and How I Reject Their Bullsh*t or: Why I’m Not Going to Hear the Cribs at Coachella

  1. ken

    I truly love this artist and have been thinking about making a playlist of their past album for an upcoming write-up.

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